Category: jokes


In December of this year this blog will be five years old. Originally I started writing as one way of coping with depression. I have never intended to write about depression as such but I have discovered that writing, humour and making a point of taking an interest in things have all contributed to building resilience. It is not true to say that I now no longer get depressed. It is true for me to say that depression is less frequent, usually (!) not as low as before and that I have some strategies to help. Depression is managed rather than cured. The most important strategy is permission to tell a couple of trusted people when I am feeling low without them assuming that my world is about to fall apart. Often the fact that I can say what is going on in my thoughts and feelings helps to deny depression of some of its power.

Over the years I have used “Sundry Times” as a place to share what I love about England, to post photographs that have caught my imagination and to pass on the least worst jokes that have come my way. I have included prayers and reflections as well. When I began “Depression” was the biggest tag, then “Resilience”. They are still there on the tag cloud but they are no longer number one.

This is not a valedictory piece but at the end of the year I shall retire this blog for the simple reason that I am running out of memory and prefer not to have to buy on-line storage. Instead, look out for “Sundry Times Too” which I am in the process of setting up and will go live at the end of 2015/beginning of 2016. I will post a link nearer the time.

Thank you for taking the trouble to read this.

God bless, Kangerew

A few cracker jokes

To be honest, I thought that this year’s crop of cracker jokes were quite poor. I don’t mean that the puns were terrible (that’s what they are supposed to be, after all) but several “jokes” seemed to have been machine generated by a mindless contraption: Not AI (Artificial Intelligence) but AS you might call it (Artificial Stupidity).

These are some of the least worst plus a few from “Cracker Jokes” collected by Amanda Li

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a hose?
A. A jumbo jet.

Q. Who hid in the bakery at Christmas?
A. A mince spy.

Q. What sort of sentence would you get if you broke the law of gravity?
A. A suspended one.

Q. Why did the bloke get fired from the orange juice factory?
A. Because he couldn’t concentrate.

Q. What has 22 legs and 2 wings but cannot fly?
A. A soccer team.

Q. What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds?
A. Tarzipan.

Q. What is read and white and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus stuck in a lift.

Q. What do you call lobsters who won’t share their toys?
A. Shellfish.

Q. What shouldn’t you eat before breakfast on Christmas Day?
A. Christmas lunch.

Happy New Year


							

The New Serenity Prayer

made me smile and wince in equal measure

Picture Me

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the people I cannot change,

which is pretty much everyone,

since I’m clearly not you, God.

At least not the last time I checked.

And while you’re at it, God,

please give me the courage

to change what I need to change about myself,

which is frankly a lot, since, once again,

I’m not you, which means I’m not perfect.

It’s better for me to focus on changing myself

than to worry about changing other people,

who, as you’ll no doubt remember me saying,

I can’t change anyway.

Finally, give me the wisdom to just shut up

whenever I think that I’m clearly smarter

than everyone else in the room,

that no one knows what they’re talking about except me,

or that I alone have all the answers.

Basically, God,

grant me the wisdom

to remember that I’m

not you.

Amen

(Written by…

View original post 3 more words

 

“10. No snake-handling.

9. You can believe in dinosaurs.

8. Male and female God created them; male and female we ordain them.

7. You don’t have to check your brains at the door.

6. Pew aerobics.

5. Church year is color-coded.

4. Free wine on Sunday.

3. All of the pageantry – none of the guilt.

2. You don’t have to know how to swim to get baptized.

1. No matter what you believe, there’s bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.”

Slightly flippant, but made me smile – Courtesy of the late Robin Williams

I don’t often agree with this blog but the jokes made me smile: even the first one.

Watts Up With That?

People send me stuff. This list of 20 intelligent jokes with a smattering of science and engineering jokes is worth sharing.

Some won’t get all of them, for example, I have no idea what #1 is about…the rest, are just entertaining. 

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a few one-liners

“A study has shown that if your parents did not have any children it is unlikely that you will too.”

“If at first you don’t succeed skip the sky-diving”

“Parachute free to a good home – no strings attached”

“Ask me about my vow of silence”

“I am in shape. Round is a shape.”

None of these are original and I am not sure where they came from.

… but the parents always come out with the same baby!

I think it pretty obvious to say that God does not have a wicked sense of humour, but does God laugh, did / does Jesus laugh? does holy joy include having fun, enjoying yourself and laughing?

I don’t see why not, except there is a school of thought that says that laughter is for fools and that if you are making fun of something you are not taking it seriously – that you are mocking. Mockers do not rate highly in the Bible. On the other hand, laughter can break the tension, make holes in the barriers that people set up between themselves and help people get along. It can contribute to making harmony. Sharing a joke can be a way of building relationships with my neighbour – an expression of love for my neighbour. Unfortunately, humour can also be used as a weapon by making certain people, particular characteristics, the butt of a joke. In that instance humour breaks bridges rather than knock down walls between peoples.

The occasion of these thoughts comes from reading “Does God LOL?” compiled by Frankie Mulgrew. This book contains a collection of short articles from a range of comedians and comedy writers. It will come as no surprise that all bar one of the thirty plus contributors say “Yes” one way or another. That one of them says “No” is a bit of a surprise until you realise that his tongue is firmly in his cheek.

What struck me most about the book was the number of people who saw their comedy-making as a vocation. Many referred explicitly to their own Christian faith, but there was no one pattern. Comedy can help lift the burdens one carries in life. Comedy, jokes etc., provide one way of sharing joy – which is a spiritual gift. Some of the writers went as far as to show where there is comedy or laughter in the Bible. In a reverse of mediaeval tradition they ask “How can Jesus have not laughed?”

Whether or not you agree with the writers, the book was easy to read and I enjoyed the cartoons. I don’t know whether it would repay rereading but the profits from the book go to charity in any case.

Four stars, I think, or 7 out of ten.

“Does God LOL?” compiled by Frankie Mulgrew, published by Darton, Longman and Todd 2013

I think the answer to my original question is “Yes, God has a good sense of humour”.

I make no claim for their quality. These jokes rely on puns and work better if read out-loud to an (appreciative?!) audience. Here are a selection of jokes found in various Christmas crackers mostly supplied by helpful members of our congregations:

What is bad-tempered and goes with custard?
Apple grumble.
 
What’s brown and sneaks round the kitchen?
Mince spies.
 
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues.
 
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
 
Why did the little girl change her mind about buying a packet of handkerchiefs for her grandmother for Christmas?
The girl said she didn’t know what size her nose was.
 
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
 
What is at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
 
Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
You can see right through them.
 
Why did the strawberry get a lawyer?
Because is was in a jam.
 
What kind of suits do they wear in court?
Lawsuits.
 
Why was Cinderella no good at football?
Because her coach was a pumpkin.
 
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken.
 
What carol do they sing in the desert?
O camel all ye faithful.
 
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy claws.
 
What did one eye say to the other?
“Between you and me something smells.”
 
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open-toad sandals.
 

Apparently they are long enough already!

🙂

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