I make no claim for their quality. These jokes rely on puns and work better if read out-loud to an (appreciative?!) audience. Here are a selection of jokes found in various Christmas crackers mostly supplied by helpful members of our congregations:

What is bad-tempered and goes with custard?
Apple grumble.
 
What’s brown and sneaks round the kitchen?
Mince spies.
 
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues.
 
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
 
Why did the little girl change her mind about buying a packet of handkerchiefs for her grandmother for Christmas?
The girl said she didn’t know what size her nose was.
 
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
 
What is at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
 
Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
You can see right through them.
 
Why did the strawberry get a lawyer?
Because is was in a jam.
 
What kind of suits do they wear in court?
Lawsuits.
 
Why was Cinderella no good at football?
Because her coach was a pumpkin.
 
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken.
 
What carol do they sing in the desert?
O camel all ye faithful.
 
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy claws.
 
What did one eye say to the other?
“Between you and me something smells.”
 
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open-toad sandals.
 
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