A carrot.

That joke comes courtesy of “The Naked Jape”. According to the cover it is “the only joke book you’ll ever need” and “a wide-ranging study of comedy”. Well, informative though this book is, family joke book it is not. One author is an atheist (or perhaps a very lapsed Catholic) and the other certain that “God has a robust sense of humour” and I think this is reflected in the content which veers between the outrageous and the plain funny. Some of the jokes I was comfortable sharing at family mealtimes but others are of the sort that make me switch channels on the TV.

Does the name Pavlov ring any bells?

Shakespeare walks into a bar and orders a drink. “I can’t serve you,” says the barman, “You’re bard.”

Two hydrogen atoms are talking. One says, “I think I’ve lost an electron.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

As for myself: “I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-depreciation – but I’m not very good at it.”